what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
