i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
