thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
