I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
