So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
