So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
