All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
