He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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