I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Swine flu. Run for my life!
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
