I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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