i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
