Don't make out with my wife yet
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My pussy is not your playground.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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