Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
