I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
