I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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