dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
