i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
