I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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