Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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