She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She's the barista slut.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
