there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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