i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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