Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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