Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
