C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
