ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize