I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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