i wish peter jackson would direct porn
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
