My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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