Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
