Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
