is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
