Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
