It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
a search helicopter?!
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
