I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
