:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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