She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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