It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
He has the fingertips of a God
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