Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
