if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
