my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
