1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Drunk is not a location!
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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