She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Someone shattered a urinal.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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