a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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