I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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