You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
