I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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