I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
