i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
