Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
