i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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