just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
