She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
