I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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