What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
17 year olds will be the death of me.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
