she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
