I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize