Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
