i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
