You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
