My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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