Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
