Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
