i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
