My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
