dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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